Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
