I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
