fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
