Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
If that was your dad, he is hot
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
