I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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