im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
