matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
