I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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