You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
