I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
