I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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