fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
