I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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