Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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