had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
