I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
