it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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