After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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