Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
