Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
