We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Randomize
