I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
