Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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