I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
