genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
