i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
