i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
