Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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