Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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