No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
