At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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