I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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