A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
