I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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