the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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