just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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