the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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