the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
