the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize