i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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