i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
