she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
