There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
