I love black thongs
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
