I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Vodka?
Forever.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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