So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
