somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
