DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
