Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize