And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
