I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
i think im in europe. pls send help
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
