the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I wannas sexs uuuuu
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize