just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
