I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize