So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
my poor anus
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
