When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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