omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
