I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize