dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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