I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
