That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize