well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I touched a dick in church today
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
