Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
